Lack of Boundaries Wreaks Havoc on Your Physical and Emotional HealthJan 02, 2023
A day will come when you will recognize that you need to start setting boundaries. Consider it your wake-up call.
Usually, this realization comes about because you are dealing with a challenging individual who has been using you as an an emotional doormat, and stealing your peace. Once you recognize that a dysfunctional pattern needs to be interrupted, setting healthy boundaries can rewrite the script and break the toxic pattern once and for all.
Cast fear aside and set some boundaries to reclaim your personal power, time, and energy, along with your mental, physical, and emotional wellness.
Facing the Fear Factor of Setting Boundaries
Those new to setting boundaries are often riddled with all kinds of fear and imagine worst-case scenarios of what the person they set boundaries with may say or do, for example:
- Fear that you will be unloved
- Fear of being perceived as mean-spirited
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of hurting their feelings (even if they have not considered yours)
- Fear of pushback
- Fear of financial loss, relationship loss, business loss, job loss, and so on
Consider the obvious: what you tolerate will only continue.
So, are you going to face your fears, speak up, be honest and make known what your limits are?
Or, do you choose to continue to allow unacceptable behavior and mistreatment?
How can people you love honor and respect you if you don’t communicate your expectations openly and honestly?
Truth or consequences? Boundaries or more of the same old story?
The choice is yours…
Your brave choice to set boundaries may well be the most loving gesture to improve the quality of your relationship. After all, people that love you should not want to cause you harm or distress of any kind.
Healthy relationships don't feel as if everything could explode if you decided to set a boundary
What Are the Consequences of Poor Boundaries?
I see women regularly in my physical therapy practice suffering from physical and emotional signs and symptoms often influenced by a lack of boundaries. When we ignore the things that bother us most and allow people to mistreat us in any number of ways, it does take a toll. We hurt ourselves by stuffing emotions down and not communicating our needs.
Allowing chronic stress to occur in our lives, ignoring how it’s impacting our wellness, and not setting boundaries are ways we, as women, self-abandon. There is a better way to navigate difficult people and situations, and self-care and boundaries are the keys to thriving physically, mentally, and emotionally.
When you ignore your internal warning system, your body barometer, there can be severe repercussions. So, please, listen to your body and allow yourself time to process emotions or face the inevitable consequences.
Do not dismiss the impact of toxic people in your life.
Do not minimize a significant situation that needs to be addressed.
Do the inner work, and honor your inner landscape.
And pay close attention to the issues in your tissues! Your body is talking, and it’s time to listen.
Consider the after effects that crop up by disregarding your inner compass, that inner voice that guides you.
- Mental and Emotional Distress: Mental and emotional equilibrium will be disrupted by exposure to stress (particularly long-term stress). Poor boundaries or complete lack of boundaries can lead to depression, anxiety, tearfulness, emotional dysregulation, loss of sleep, inability to focus, inability to perform daily tasks at work and home, cause panic attacks, and more. Tolerating ugly problems or chaotic people does not work. Avoid emotional hangovers at all costs and set boundaries.
- Physical Consequences A lack of boundaries can negatively impact physical health and wellness. All types of physical ailments are caused by disease in our lives. Who is disturbing your peace? Your body keeps a tally of everything you experience, even if you are unaware. To dive deeply into the topic, read “The Body Keeps Score “ by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. So many illnesses are brought about by stress: chronic fatigue syndrome, lupus, migraines, cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure, and more. The truth is that you can improve your overall health by setting healthy boundaries.
What is a Healing Crisis?
A healing crisis may enter your life like a sledgehammer when red flags and warning signs have been overlooked for far too long. And it gets your attention quickly!
A healing crisis is like a perfect storm that brings devastating illness to your life. Some describe it as a cosmic 2 x 4, and it causes you to reexamine your life from top to bottom and is often accompanied by a great awakening.
A healing crisis brings you to your knees.
It will include all types of suffering; physical, emotional, and mental. Ultimately though, it becomes an opportunity for deep healing and renewal.
My Healing Crisis
I struggled for years with the issue of not setting boundaries. I know how challenging it can be!
The thought of setting a boundary would actually give me a visceral reaction in my body. I would start to feel sick to my stomach, a lump in my throat, and feel my body start to tighten and contract.
I was overextended, putting everyone else's needs first and acting like "Super Woman". In addition, I was involved in a toxic relationship that was wearing on me and creating major stress and anxiety in my life.
I felt depleted, exhausted, overwhelmed, and started to experience physical pain, chronic bronchitis, and migraines. I put my self-care on the back burner .
I had no idea the impact of not setting boundaries and being a chronic people pleaser would have on my mind and body.
I continued to ignore the signs of my Boundary Barometer until..........
August 7, 2014 I was brought to my knees and had a first hand lesson on the consequences of not setting boundaries. ( then I didn’t know it was a boundary problem until I had a major healing crisis called cancer).
Please don’t wait for a healing crisis to happen before you take action with your own health.
Having survived my healing crisis, it is my life’s mission to share what I’ve learned about boundaries with women like you, hoping that you can avoid or prevent a complex healing crisis with the right tools.
Tools to Help You Thrive by Setting Boundaries
No matter where you are in your boundary journey, explore our ever-growing selection of blogs for insights and strategies, including:
- Why Setting Healthy Boundaries is the Cornerstone of Self-Care
- The Secret to Setting Boundaries to Deal with Toxic People
- How to Master Emotions to Set Better Boundaries
Women, by nature, are nurturers, caregivers, encouragers, loving and compassionate. You give love to others with ease and grace.
But…how are you treating yourself?
What would you tell your best friend to do if she were facing your difficult situation or toxic person?
Care enough about yourself to follow your own best advice because you are worth it!
Weeds, left to their own devices, choke off new growth. If we want to see further growth in the garden of our life, we cannot ignore the weeds any longer. You can see plainly what is negatively impacting your life, and it’s time to address it in a healthy way.
Getting started with boundaries means getting in touch with caring for your own needs, setting personal boundaries, and self-care is the cornerstone. Grab The Ultimate Self-Care Workbook today!
You have a beautiful giant-sized loving heart; protect it and your well-being with better boundaries, starting today! Need some help getting started, let’s connect.
To your health and wellness!
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