The Telltale Signs You Need To Set BoundariesJan 21, 2023
Are there obvious signs that you have poor boundaries? The answer may surprise you.
Typically, there are many indicators that you need to implement boundaries in your life. And doing so can change the course of your life for the better.
Let’s dive in.
What’s a Red Flag?
Consider red flags as telltale indicators that are a heads up or warning to heed the message you are receiving. In the case of physical health, if you are having chest pains, it may indicate heart disease or, worse yet, a heart attack. Certainly, you‘d pay attention to symptoms like that.
In much the same way, our body, mind, and emotions give powerful cues when something is off and needs immediate attention.
You say YES, while your gut and inner wisdom are shouting NO. As a result, you are out of alignment with your own core values. When this happens, you will feel uncomfortable, and rightly so. Here are some other examples of red flags and inner thoughts, signs/symptoms you need to take a stand and set boundaries to retain inner peace.
- You feel angry, resentful, or bitter when you get roped into overcommitting
- You feel a specific person is too demanding and expects too much from you
- You are rescuing, covering up, or glossing over someone else’s bad behavior
- You are more interested in people-pleasing than self-care, and you often self-abandon
- You are stuck in fear, overwhelmed by duty and obligation
- You feel ill at ease or unsafe around a particular individual
- You feel guilty when you say NO, even when there is an excellent reason for declining
- You feel shy and uncomfortable about voicing your needs and expectations
- You allow unacceptable behaviors to continue, even when it impacts your health
- Fear of disappointing others at your own expense
- You want to be the ‘good girl’ and do the ‘right thing’ (but for who?)
If you relate to any of the clues noted above, it’s time to get in touch with your uncomfortable feelings and take action by setting healthy boundaries.
Red Flags in Relationships That Should Never Be Overlooked or Minimized
As adults, we are responsible for cultivating healthy and rewarding relationships. And relationships come in all forms: romantic, workplace, marital, partners, friends, family, relatives, siblings, coworkers, and more.
And toxic behaviors (red flags) can appear in any relationship. Here are some problematic behaviors that indicate the need for setting boundaries with others:
- Controlling, demanding behaviors
- Compulsive lying
- Words and actions do not align
- Judging and criticizing
- Mean spirited, teasing, cruelty
- Violence or threatening behaviors
- The isms: Alcoholism, Workaholism, Narcissism, Cynicism, etc
- Addictions: Drugs, Gambling, Spending, and more
- Mental health issues
- They demand to be your top priority quickly, too fast
- Love bombing
Ignore these problematic behaviors at your peril.
Boundaries are a way of regaining control and peace because you deserve that. As with any new habit, it may take time to master setting boundaries. But in time, you’ll be a pro and never want to return to the way things were before boundaries.
The red flags are on the field, pay attention and get started setting boundaries – the sooner, the better! You’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner…
Rise up and regain your power, be brave, and set boundaries wherever needed, unapologetically. It really is a better way forward to a thriving new you!
Give Yourself the Time to Pause, Reflect, and Set Boundaries Confidently
What is the still, small voice inside you guiding you to do or say? Your inner wisdom is your internal compass and will help you navigate life and relationships.
But -- are you listening?
Are you checking in with that inner knowing or ignoring it altogether?
The body, mind, and spirit connection is priceless. What is your body barometer telling you about a particular person or life circumstance? I see women regularly in my physical therapy practice impacted by physical and emotional signs and symptoms, often linked to a lack of boundaries.
When you’re asked to do something or for a favor, no one says it’s required that you answer immediately without pause. Take time to reflect and consider if you want to participate. It is OK to say, ‘let me check my schedule, and I’ll get back to you in 2 days.’
That, my friends, is setting a boundary. You are not available 24/7… and that’s completely reasonable.
The needs of others DO NOT trump your needs.
Can you see the value and wisdom in that?
Remember that you are the writer of your story. YOU get to choose how and with whom to spend your time, and that is a blessing! Claim that freedom and peace in your own life!
Strategies to Help You Get Started With by Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Simply put: a lack of boundaries is what hijacks peace of mind. That can be remedied by learning how to set boundaries.
Sometimes, when learning a new skill, it helps to have a coach and mentor to accompany you on your journey. No matter where you are in your boundary process, there’s help available.
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