What (If Anything) Did Your Family Teach You About Setting Boundaries?Feb 28, 2023
Unsurprisingly, your family of origin plays a crucial role in your understanding of boundaries or lack thereof. Your family patterns taught you more than you may even be aware of. Let’s take a deeper look.
Before we get started, it’s important to remember that the conversation around boundaries is relatively new. So, our parents and caregivers only knew what they knew, so we only know what we’ve been taught through our lived experience and programming.
What’s Your Family Legacy Around Boundaries?
We often think of family legacy in terms of wealth, inheritance, and money. While that’s all fine and good, having healthy family boundaries passed down generationally is the true wealth to strive for. Certainly, we’ve all been raised differently, and it’s necessary to look at the impact of what family patterns were passed down, consciously or unconsciously, good or bad.
What family legacy patterns did you witness in your home?
Being Seen and Heard: Were you allowed to speak up about thoughts or concerns, or were you silenced, disregarded, or ignored?
Conflict Styles: How did your parents and siblings show up in conflicts? Were there loud, boisterous arguments or healthy dialogs, and mutual respect? Was there the silent treatment?
Differences in Treatment of Siblings: Was one sibling favored over you? Did others get treated less harshly than you?
Emotional Regulation: Were your parents or caregivers emotionally regulated, stable, and predictable? Was there peace in your home or an undercurrent of strife?
Family Beliefs: Did your family have a shared practice of faith? Would they help a friend or neighbor in need?
Behavioral Patterns: Were the behavioral patterns in your home healthy or unhealthy? And perhaps more importantly, were unhealthy behaviors allowed and tolerated? Addictions, mistreatment, manipulation, and abuse may have been tolerated by someone who raised you.
Hidden Family Patterns: instability, self-sabotage, performance pressure, anxiety, having to earn love, not listening, strife, anger, grandiosity, selfishness, and narcissism, to name a few.
Rules and Limits: Were there rules or limits established, or was it a free for all – a chaotic household? What did rules and consequences look like, and were they fair?
Attitudes towards Health and Wellness: Did you eat well, and was an active lifestyle encouraged? Did your primary caregiver practice self-care?
Love and Affection: Did you receive love and affection that made you feel you were treasured, valued, and enough? Were your parents loving and affectionate with one another and to you and your siblings?
Financial: Were you taught fiscal responsibility, or did you witness financial dysfunction? Did your parents live within their means or spend recklessly?
Fear Factor: Do it right or don’t do it at all. Perfectionism is a common trait passed down through generations. Fear of not being perfect is unhealthy. Progress is what matters, not perfection.
How you were raised leaves an indelible mark and lasting impact as you carry what you know into all relationships. These family patterns and more influence how we show up in relationships and our lives.
What are you teaching your children, friends, relatives, coworkers, partner, or spouse about what you will and won’t allow?
Wherever you’ve been, the way forward is better when you set boundaries.
What is Your Core Underlying Boundary Belief Within That Backstory?
Were healthy family boundaries passed down to you, or are you just learning the meaning of setting boundaries?
Take an honest inventory of your upbringing and if your family taught you anything about setting boundaries. Realistically gauge where you are now and define your core beliefs around boundaries.
At this moment, what is your primary boundary belief, and is it true?
Shifting your ingrained boundary beliefs may be the key to your emotional and physical wellness.
No matter what you’ve learned in the past, you are the author of your life and can flip the script when you are ready. Rewrite a healthy new story around boundaries and how you show up in challenging situations and conversations. Setting boundaries and staying firm with them is the ticket to peace and happiness.
Once you master setting boundaries, you can pass this wisdom on to those you love, redefining a refreshing and promising story around boundaries.
Create a New and Healthy Family Boundary Legacy
Find out the connection between boundaries and self-care by reading Why Setting Healthy Boundaries is the Cornerstone of Self-Care.
Others see how we honor and care for ourselves, which sends an essential unspoken message. To develop and leave the most inspirational, positive legacy for our family, we must care for ourselves first. Our relationship with self-care will teach our children and others that each of us is worthy of love, rest, and renewal.
When you begin setting boundaries, those around you will see a shift and be influenced by it in a lasting way. So, let go of the fear of setting boundaries and live your best life sooner rather than later. Your family will thank you!
Start saying ‘NO” to the things and people that deplete you and confidently speak your truth. Begin reserving ‘YES’ only for who and what serves your highest and best.
Interested in creating a new family boundary legacy? Get in touch and stay informed about upcoming courses and events and the latest news on boundaries.
Let’s do this – together! Here’s to better boundaries and a healthy new family legacy!
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