5 Common Boundary Myths Debunked and Truths RevealedOct 31, 2022
Where do boundary myths come from, and how can you move past the fear of setting boundaries?
It’s important to point out that ‘myths’ are not based on facts; they are essentially legends and misinformation. Myths about boundaries can keep you stuck in fear and hold you back from living your best life.
Truth always matters and is based on facts and reality. Boundaries will set you free to be your authentic self, living in complete alignment with your core values.
Setting healthy boundaries is about speaking your truth in confidence.
Boundary Myth # 1
Setting Boundaries is Unloving and Selfish
This myth is utter nonsense, and nothing could be further from the truth.
Setting boundaries is not about being selfish or ego-driven. It’s about setting limits around what you will and will not allow.
Boundary Truth # 1
Setting Healthy Boundaries is an Act of Self-Love, and it’s Your Birthright!
You have one body, one life; how do you choose to honor it?
Yes, we are called to love others and act with kindness and compassion.
While it is rewarding to serve others -- make choices that support your well-being as well. Self-compassion is just as important as showing compassion to others.
There is no need to be an emotional doormat for anyone. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care and honoring your own needs while staying in a relationship with another in a healthy way. It really can be a healing and transformative experience for both parties.
Choose to allow what is healthy and disallow unacceptable behaviors.
Remember that what you allow will continue unless you choose to set boundaries.
Protecting your internal peace and emotional, physical, and spiritual growth is healthy. NO is a complete sentence. Say no to whatever is not in alignment with your core values; protecting your mind, body, and spirit is the definition of wisdom.
Boundary Myth # 2
When Setting Boundaries, You Will Experience Guilt and Shame
Having a guilty conscience and experiencing shame is a choice or sometimes a habit. Let go of the old patterns that no longer serve your highest and best. Put this misconception to rest once and for all.
Guilt and shame are common culprits that destroy our well-being. Women tend to struggle internally with both, which can be an enormous obstacle—time to silence the inner critic and people-pleasing tendencies.
Boundary Truth # 2
Setting Healthy Boundaries Supports Your Emotional Wellness
Why on earth would you feel guilty about setting limits on another’s unacceptable behavior that has a negative and toxic impact on you? You deserve better! You are worthy of love and mutually respectful behavior.
STOP saying ‘YES’ to the things that hurt you. Kick guilt, obligation, and a sense of duty to the curb. No one ever said you had to be so self-sacrificial.
Some relationships can feel transactional. You fear disappointing someone due to a maladaptive notion that you owe them something. That thinking suggests that there is a debt attached to that person.
Ultimately, you are responsible for your actions, reactions, and how you choose to live. You must accept accountability for the choices that you make and the decisions you avoid.
Choose wellness! Setting boundaries is one decisive way to support your emotional health, and you are worth it.
Boundary Myth # 3
Setting Boundaries Makes You Ruthless, Mean-Spirited, and Nasty
Oh, heck no. Fear is a liar. The fear of being judged negatively has held you hostage long enough. Rise! Take a stand!
Setting boundaries does not make any of those adjectives accurate. The fact is, you have no control over how others will receive your boundaries, and that’s to be expected.
The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones were benefiting from you having none.
If someone does not respect your boundaries, stand your ground! We can't control how people will react, but you can control your response and behavior. Most of the time when someone doesn't respect your boundaries they want control. You have the power to break the pattern!
Boundary Truth # 3
Setting Boundaries is a Sign of Great Wisdom
Stop worrying about what they’ll say; stop being needlessly ’other’ focused. There is a high cost to putting the needs of others ahead of your own. The sooner you stand in your power and express your boundaries to folks who rattle your cage and destroy your sense of peace, the sooner your life will improve.
You can also expect an increasing sense of peace. You are becoming the best version of yourself. Now you are confident; you articulate your needs and limits fearlessly. That’s fierce, not mean, and there’s a big difference.
Boundary Myth #4
Loving Relationships Don’t Require Boundaries
Noooooooooooo! This type of thinking is a major red flag. All healthy relationships require boundaries; a lack thereof is indicative of co-dependency. Such a ride-or-die mentality is an invitation for BIG trouble. There is a better way!
Boundary Truth # 4
Truly Loving Relationships Need Clear Boundaries
Part of being in a loving relationship means having the freedom and ability to express your truth, core values, wants, needs and expectations. This type of clear communication fosters deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Boundaries in loving relationships serve as a blueprint of who you are and what you will/will not allow. It is about defining your NOs and YESs, so expectations are clear.
When love is real, truth is always welcomed, not dismissed or disregarded. Pay close attention to how your loved ones respond to your no’s.
Boundary Myth # 5
Creating Healthy Boundaries is Too Hard/Too Much Work
While setting boundaries can feel challenging at first, as with any skill set, practice makes perfect. Over time, you will learn to establish healthy boundaries with ease, grace, and compassion.
If you’re honest, you will recognize that what’s too hard is the chaos, dysfunction, strife, and ill will caused by tolerating nonsense.
Boundary Truth # 5
Setting Boundaries Brings Peace to Your Life
Stop allowing toxic people to wreak havoc on your life!
You CAN reclaim peace of mind, starting now.
The truth is setting boundaries allows you to regain emotional peace and a sense of calm.
You can choose to stop the offending party from rocking your boat, but it requires action.
And best of all, you can start setting boundaries in your life right away for game-changing results.
Truth wins every time!
As you can see, boundary myths are easily debunked when you shine the light of truth upon them.
Reframe the way you think about boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are a pathway to more loving, respectful, honest, and fulfilling relationships.
Need some one-on-one coaching to get started setting healthy boundaries?
Here’s to peace of mind and your health and wellness!
Setting boundaries is a form of self-care and honoring your own needs. Get your FREE Ultimate Self-care work book today!
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